THE THIRTEEN FEMALE COMMANDMENTS

It was a humid evening last June when I experienced an act of true heroism. 
I was attending a country concert with a couple of close friends when tragedy struck. While making my way back from the unsightly port-o-potty bathrooms that I had to force myself to use of (yet I maneuver  fraternity house bathrooms with the esteem of a Ritz Carlton guest), I’d somehow managed to get my sundress wedged into the top of my hot pink, lace thong. Thrown into the chaos of any outdoor concert, I was completely unaware of my horrendous wardrobe malfunction. About fifteen minutes later a manicured hand clapped down on my shoulder from behind; “Honey, your dress is tucked into your underpants,” a woman with a cowboy hat hissed into my ear. Faster than a sale of Kylie Jenner lip kits, my dress was plucked and a red-in-the-face Katy was on her way.
​This one single act of kindness from one female to another, commonly referred to as the unspoken, highly confidential “girl code,” positively saved my life (and my ass) that day. 

In a world where the patriarchy is far from obsolete in many respects, it is crucial for our existence as hot-blooded females to stick together. From one uterus-bearing human to another, there is a solid list of commandments that we must abide by, for the sake of girl-kind. 

THE GIRL CODE COMMANDMENTS 

1. Thou shalt not post photos of oneself where you look good, and your friend looks like she got hit by a truck. Sometimes getting ‘the crop’ isn’t always a slap in the face. 
2. Thou shall not only whiten your own teeth, but your girl friends’ as well. (Like, c’mon)
3. Thou shalt not complain when another female asks for about a million solo shots for Instagram. After all, the perfect candid isn’t always achieved on the first ‘click’. 
4. Thou shalt not ruthlessly compare oneself! I’m not even talking about the typical magazine model comparison; that girl ahead of you in line at Starbucks who is seemingly perfect and probably sweats glitter? She has her own issues and is probably damn good at hiding them.
5. Thou shalt not slut-shame fellow females. Thought only men could adequately slut-shame? Think again. Thou shall do whatever one wants with ones own body without ridicule from others. If you want to do it, do it. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s that simple. 
6. Thou shall be KIND, not judgmental.
7. Thou shall comply with the ever-so-common “I’m going to walk in front of you and you're going to tell me if I’m bleeding through my pants” dilemma.
8. Thou shall always carry extra tampons, you never know who mother nature will take by surprise.
9. Thou shall be brutally honest when asked if the ‘hot guy across the bar’ is actually hot or if its just a very forgiving angle.
10. Thou shall tell a friend if they accidentally use the wrong “their,” “there,” or “they’re” in their Insta caption. After all, you’d probably like them to do the same for you.
11. Thou shall feel utmost joy for fellow females’ success. Strive to feel proud of your friends, not bitter that the source of success isn’t you. Remember: empowered women empower women.
12. Thou shall respect the: “I have a secret and you can’t tell anyone” caveat. (within reason, of course.)
13. Thou shall always like your friends’ selfies. We all know those take helllllla guts to post.

In the fine words of Madelaine Albright, “there is a special place in Hell for women who do not help other women.”