writing hard and clear about what hurts. | THE KATY PROJECT
  the katy project
  • THE BLOG
  • Ask Katy
  • WTF
  • CONTACT
  • THE BLOG
  • Ask Katy
  • WTF
  • CONTACT
Picture

ALMOST-LOVERS

1/16/2017

34 Comments

 
Picture
Ernest Hemingway once said, “write hard and clear about what hurts.”
​So, after quite the blog hiatus, I’m doing just that.


I’m tired. Really, truly, I’m tired, and have been for some time. Tired of mindlessly dragging myself from one almost-lover to the next; the vicious cycle of lifting my hopes up only to watch them ruthlessly be pulled out from under me like a deflated parachute. 

For years I let my romantic frustrations win. The anxiety of it all would envelope me in a thick haze of doubt and loneliness, clouding my judgement, provoking me to lash out. I have allowed myself to become riddled with embarrassment over my inability to be loved. As my lacking love life continued to feel more and more hopeless, I’d purse my lips, lower my head and convince myself that I’d done something wrong. “God, what is wrong with me?”
You’ve heard this narrative before. 

However on a recent flight to Los Angeles, I came to a new conclusion. 

Playing past almost-romances in my head like a sickening highlight reel, I realized that by considering each extinguished flame to be a major loss, I have been severely discounting myself. While it’s cold, hard fact that I haven't been entirely successful in the past few years with dating, I’m not continuing with life completely empty-handed. I haven’t lost entirely. 

Whether they know it or not, each and every almost-lover has given me something: a lesson, a song, boldness, tenderness. I no longer wish to view the moments spent with these people as “lost time.” Listening to scratched vinyl, the moonlight glistening on bare skin, driving in his car without a destination, hair flapping in the ocean air… I refuse to label these precious moments that I’ve spent with almost-lovers as losses.

You leave a very small piece of you with each and every person you meet.  

When the sinking feeling of “Shit. I guess whatever “this” was is over now..” overcomes you, remember this: 

You are more than just the number of people you’ve almost-loved.

He or she was not just a failed attempt at what you will eventually have with someone else.
Every potential relationship is either love, or a lesson. Don’t look at it any other way. 

Photo: Tumblr, no known source.

34 Comments

    READ MORE ▽

    I'M TOO HEAVY
    COLLEGE PARTIES
    I HATE MY THIGHS
    FRENCH KISSES

    Archives

    July 2018
    June 2018
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016

KATY BELLOTTE © COPYRIGHT 2016. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.