I DON'T NEED YOUR FRENCH KISSES
It was an unusually chilly evening in March, and my mind was positively restless. I’d forgotten to set an alarm for the next morning, the shoes I was wearing were two sizes too big, my friends were calling my name from a location I couldn’t quite identify and I really, really had to pee. It took about thirty seconds longer than normal for me realize that at the exact moment all of these thoughts were rushing through my prefrontal cortex, I had a boy’s tongue in my mouth.
I wish I was bluffing.
Deep down, I knew from the second that this said-boy laced his fingers with mine that I was in for another ‘blah-makeout’ which might lead to a ‘blah-“wanna get outta here”’ and a (hollow) ‘blah-“I’ll call you sometime.”’ I foresaw the entire chain of events that would ultimately play out like an interstate fender bender— quick and headache-inducing.
The process has become so frustratingly repetitive.
What at one point in time might have caused a rush of adrenaline and hours of fantasizing over the names of our future children, was instead evoking feelings of boredom. Am I getting too old for this?
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d stifled a yawn or two as he proceeded to explore my inner jaw—while I continued to internally compile reasons why I should be elsewhere, tackling my lengthy to-do list.
A domino effect that I wouldn’t predict in the moment, however, would be the next morning’s missed 9 a.m. phone call from my mother and unsightly blisters caused by the too-big shoes from Hell.
Am I being unappreciative of a good make out? Maybe.
After all, my friends had told me that so-and-so and I ‘would really hit it off’ (along with the fact that he apparently has an ‘impeccable ass’).
Perhaps I was letting my mind wander, ultimately protecting myself from the crushed expectations and the phone call that would never come. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm putting my eggs in the wrong basket.
Nevertheless, this got me thinking:
Do we even know what’s ‘good’ for us anymore?
Is our generation so hooked on an endless cycle of what it is that we are told, and think we need, that we’re neglecting our true needs?
Will we ever complete our to-do lists?
Remember when we were thirteen and a simple suggestion from Mom to pop a multivitamin or make our beds would commence World War III?
Instead of dubbing myself hopelessly lazy and predictable for focusing my energy on the wrong things, I’d rather describe myself as an individual who simply chooses unconventional ‘priorities’— like creeping on perfect Instagram strangers and binge-watching Game of Thrones.
After wracking my brain over this for months, I’ve managed to come to a somewhat-conclusion that ignoring the ‘good’, ‘important’ things in life is alright in certain respects, but not others. Namely: it’s probably vital to use deodorant, pay taxes and wash your hair every few days. Still, it’s crucial to have a little ‘me time’ with no to-do lists, priorities, or alarm clocks. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise: You're the hero of your own story. Refuse to let anyone besides you dictate your own morals, beliefs and actions. You don't have to be predictable! Rather, fight to be unpredictable. It suits you better, I promise.
It’s up to us to change the pace of society.
We need to swiftly flip the railroad switch, alter the tracks and focus on what will truly benefit us in the long haul. I will note, we also need to recognize that this is much easier said than done.
At the end of the day, if you find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
And if you find yourself in a similar situation as mine, tell the boy you don’t need his french kisses. In my book, that's the first step to finding out what is truly ‘good’ for you.
Photos courtesy of weheartit.com
6/5/2016 10:13:30 pm
I'm so glad that you wrote this because I feel the exact same way!! Love you Katy!
6/5/2016 10:13:49 pm
I love this, Katy! Truth be told I often struggle with what my priorities are vs what they should be so this was easing to read that 'creeping on that boys Instagram' is ok to have as a priority on occasion. What a person needs and what they think they need are often two very different things and I enjoyed reading your views on this. Keep up the great work!
6/5/2016 10:16:17 pm
I honestly could not relate to another post more. "If you find yourself in the wrong story, leave" is along the lines of what I've been telling myself a lot lately (after a situation with a boy didn't work out in my favor).
Yes Katy! This is so relatable, it's so easy to get caught up in the repetition of high school (or for you college) parties and accepting that a shitty hook up with a boy is normal and what you should 'look forward' too when thinking about the prospects of what will happen at a party. I want to feel excited when I'm with someone and not the same-old same-old feeling of how did I end up here? We don't need your french kisses! X
6/5/2016 10:30:17 pm
You are the real life Carrie Bradshaw ❤️
6/5/2016 10:35:00 pm
Felt like I was reading something straight out of the brain of Carrie Bradshaw. Love love love this and so relatable.
6/5/2016 11:49:32 pm
I am absolutely loving these posts! I am also about to enter my junior year of college, and a lot of what you say resonates with me. These have also all been so well written! Can't wait to see what you write next.
6/6/2016 12:53:08 am
I just have to say that i absolutely love your blog. I adore your videos too but you really are a phenomenal writer.
6/6/2016 12:51:18 am
6/6/2016 02:50:03 am
This is exactly what I needed to hear.
6/6/2016 03:52:52 am
You are an amazing writer Katy. Keep up the good work 😊❤👌
6/6/2016 04:53:47 am
Just when I thought that all I need in life are your youtube videos I found your blog. You're truly my biggest internet inspiration and you have so much wisdom in you for a young person it's shocking. Young people usually have a wrong message to spread but thankfully you're not one of them. Thank you Katy for the right guidance
6/6/2016 06:38:01 am
Katy this is fabulous. I hate to admit it but the last time I made out with a boy I felt the same way. I kept trying to tell myself to be there in the moment but some how I was just distracted by all the other things in my life. Every party I go to with my friends the goal is always to find a hot guy and hook up with him and I feel like I'm too young to wonder if thats all there is.
6/6/2016 06:57:32 am
I've been in this situation so many times!! Love how relatable you are
6/6/2016 07:19:34 am
I'm obsessed! You're so so talented
6/6/2016 10:21:20 am
I write for an online blog called The Odyssey, and your posts truly inspire me! I read these and I find myself agreeing and wondering why I haven't noticed these situations before.
6/6/2016 11:12:02 am
Great post Katy! However, I notice that in your posts and also your videos you tend to take a lot of quotes from tumblr and whatnot. which is not a bad thing! but citing them might be helpful for future reference!
6/6/2016 02:11:39 pm
Loved it girl! Keep it up🙌🏼
6/6/2016 03:11:29 pm
6/6/2016 03:15:32 pm
Obsessed with you and your blog so much!! Your writing is so beautiful and inspiring, I simply can't get enough of it! You remind me so much of one of my sorority sisters, and it makes me even more happy that you're a Zeta too! Can't wait to read more!! ZLAM 😍💕
6/6/2016 05:49:36 pm
I love hearing your wisdom in writing and in videos. Since its summertime and youre not as swamped with college, will we be seeing anymore "artsy" videos? Ex. Favorites in 60 seconds
6/6/2016 05:54:27 pm
Carrie Bradshaw is that you? haha I absolutely loved this post!
6/28/2016 02:15:57 pm
I felt really pressured to make out with strangers at clubs or parties mostly cause all my bestfriends were doing it. Now that it's actually become kind of an often thing for me to do, I can sadly say that there's not a single time I haven't regretted kissing a guy after having a little too many drinks and it sucks. Anyways, I love you Katy
7/7/2016 09:08:01 pm
i have been watching your youtube videos for about 2 years now and i just started reading your blog and i love it. this article in particular is my favorite. i am an aspiring writer in high school and would love to get in touch with you. you have always and will always inspire me in my everyday life. if you could email me i would love love love to get in touch with you. you don't even know how much you have done for me. thank you for writing these blog posts.💜
7/30/2017 06:54:04 pm
Thank you for being one of the only real, blunt, honest, and encouraging Youtubers/bloggers/life-coaches. In your most recent video you commented on how you received feedback questioning why you only spoke about sex or relationships or boys. But quite frankly, if you didn't, who would? You are an amazing writer and I hope that is something you are seriously pursuing because your blog is amazing. I have read and re-read countless posts, finding new clarity with every word, only wishing I could have brunch with you and discuss the trials of life that we find to "silly" or minuscule to talk about on a regular basis. Although many of yours are about the hookup culture and don't venture too far into the realm of serious relationships, I resonated with the post "French Kisses" about finding myself in the wrong story. Its become a constant inner struggle of "Does he still care?" "Am I trying to cover the fact that we're drifting with excuses of being busy, overwhelmed, or simply comfortable?" I'm beginning to feel as if I'm staying in this because I am afraid of the hurt that will follow a breakup. I am not doubting if it's love, because I know it is, but Im wondering if all love is good for us? If going 3 weeks without seeing each other is fine for him, am I wasting my time? I'm becoming afraid that Ive been trapped in the "wrong place, wrong time" scenario, only its the wrong person at the wrong time. I leave for college soon and he will be too, only we'll be about an hour apart. For most, they would say that is no big deal, that is such a short distance, but I'm starting to think that we might not make it. It won't be the distance that tears us apart, either. It will be the continuous, growing lack of effort. Giving and never receiving is more tiring than running a 5k and then hitting the gym after with no break in between, and being pushed to keep going because you don't want the old lady on the treadmill next to you to out-do you. I am tired of being outrun by the old lady. I don't want this to end, and I want it to be happily ever after, but I'm missing the happy, now. I am afraid of our future together, but I'm afraid of it apart, too. So, please continue making your blog posts and videos that give me the encouragement to do whatever the hell I want, and to put on my big girl panties and take risks. I've been subscribed to you on youtube since you made videos with your guy friends in your kitchen in high school and you've become the badass big sister I never had.
Leave a Reply.