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LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY. (OR NOT)

6/14/2016

56 Comments

 
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It may or may not be common knowledge that I’ve spent about a third of my life rattling off anecdotes and whimsical thoughts to a camera, alone in my suburban bedroom.

After seven years as ‘that one girl who makes those videos,’ I’ve rambled at length about countless subjects: the trials of hair removal, menstruation, relationships, ripping my pants in public and love. I’ve endured the torment in high school, the seemingly light-hearted (but still totally offensive) mockery in college and the emotional strain that comes from putting yourself ‘out there’ to an audience of over 27 million— all, in hopes that my stories will help at least one person out there feel a little less hopeless.


I have received pages upon pages of praise from a subscriber pool of over 400,000 worldwide, saluting my 'honesty' and 'courage' online, but I’ve been intentionally ignoring the 6,000-pound elephant in my bedroom.

I AM A COWARD.
I have strategically maneuvered myself around the subject of sex for seven years now, for the complete benefit of polishing my own reputation. My biggest fear for quite some time has been the image of my estranged third-grade teacher who I'm friends with on Facebook, shaking her head with disapproval at this headline appearing on her feed. 

After much deliberation with the angel and devil on my shoulders, I’ve decided that enough is enough.
It is tremendously difficult to find honest accounts about sex online, and I am sick of living my life knowing that young people are out there in need of the actual truth. You can hear about it a million times in the same sterile, generic form, but hear about it once in its true light, and it might have the weight to powerfully enlighten the youth of our day. I think it’s time that someone is honest about this stuff. 


Sex. SEX. S-E-X. Granted, I wasn’t capable of even uttering the word “sex” in 2009 without blushing, but it has taken me until the hard age of twenty to speak freely about it online. Ultimately, I have been afraid of the judgement that would ensue the second that the ‘unclean’ word left my lips. Would the entire world crumble around me? Probably. I suppose I won’t really know until I click ‘publish’ on this post.

What ever happened to publishing the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Two dogs, tails wagging and eyes gleaming, grope each other in broad daylight and its deemed adorable, but the second a girl decides to even simply write about sex, it’s considered unbecoming and distasteful. 
Nearly everyone is either ‘doing it’ or thinking about ‘doing it,’ but hardly anybody is talking about it. Instead of locking away the subject of sex in the crowded dungeon of social taboos, maybe it’s time we take a crack at it.

Most of us can recall The Breakfast Club’s Allison ‘The Basketcase’ Reynolds’ famous theory about sex:
​“Well, if you say you haven’t, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap.”
It seems that no matter which side of the line we choose to stand on, we’re at fault somehow. 
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When I first ‘got lucky’ (just one of the 99+ euphemisms for sex that I found online), I spent roughy 45 seconds afterwords in utter shock. “That was it?!!” I thought. No fireworks? No rainbows and riding off on horseback into an entrancing sunset? “I wish I had been more prepared for this.. I want my money back,” I’d thought, reflecting back on the hours of tuned-out health class lectures in middle school. The second my 55-year-old teacher had mentioned the word “penetration,” his jugular bulging with each syllable, I was done. Perhaps, if I'd been more informed initially in a way that was easier for my teenaged mind to digest, things would have gone differently for me. 
To the several thousand (not an exaggeration) of my blog, YouTube, Twitter and Instagram followers who have begged me to speak openly about sex, I’m finally hoisting up my big-girl panties and laying all of my cards on the table. 

I came across a quote once that read, “Be as hairy, dirty, and expressive as you want to be.” 
I am not looking for your praise. I am not looking for your scorn. All I wish to achieve by speaking openly about sex online, is the hope that young men and women everywhere will realize that they are not alone in what they are doing and how they are feeling. We’re told that it’s normal for our hormones to run rampant in our teens, but regardless of the science involved, it’s socially criminal to not only — *gasp*— have sex (?!) but, —*gasp*— actually talk about it? Bullshit. 

Let’s face it. It’s happening, and it will continue to happen. 
The more we openly speak about sex, condoms, birth control and STD’s, ultimately, the safer the whole rodeo will become. At this rate, the most I read about sex online comes from faceless bylines on Cosmo articles, raving about the perks of using frosted donuts as sex toys. 

I am sincerely sorry if this post causes you to lose sleep at night, but please know that somewhere across the way, I’ll be getting my full eight hours just fine.

​TO BE CONTINUED
Photos courtesy of various Tumblr blogs. I do not own the rights to them. 
56 Comments
Samantha link
6/14/2016 12:54:50 am

Thank you for actually talking about sex!!! You are my #1 girl crush <3

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Anna
6/14/2016 12:56:08 am

clever title! thanks for being brave and posting ❤️

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Sara
6/14/2016 12:56:54 am

You go girl!!!! Such an inspiration xx

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Suzie
6/14/2016 12:57:35 am

hi Katy, absolutely loved this post!! young people do need people they relate to- such as Youtubers- to open up about sex and safe sex and consent! I'd love to see more blog posts like this!

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Laetitia
6/14/2016 12:59:31 am

I love how open you are, Katy. It's not often that girls post these kinds of topics online, and you never know who might have needed to see this! Keep doing what you're doing, lovely 💕🌼

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Ray
6/14/2016 01:02:57 am

HELL YA. I'm all about this post and this topic and your honesty. It really is bullshit that women are constantly objectified and sexualized in media, but then shunned and ridiculed when we try to talk about sex in real life. Not only is it hard to talk about sex in a healthy mature way, but a lot of times there's such a great double standard that makes it impossible for a girl to even feel remotely confident about her sexuality. I appreciate you writing about something that no doubt is intimidating, but it's important to open a gateway to help younger women understand that talking about sex is incredibly important and beneficial. Thank you Katy for your voice and understanding❤️

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Alina
6/14/2016 01:05:11 am

As somebody who I've watched for years now and share similar beliefs with I have to say I loved this. At the age was are at these things are part of life (we talk about it with our friends in college don't we ?!?) It was really nice to hear you talk about it openly...!

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Jennifer
6/14/2016 01:09:02 am

So glad you finally got the courage to open up about this!!!! Very honest and sincere. Much love, Katy

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Sarah
6/14/2016 01:10:35 am

Hey Katy, I loved this post and finally someone is writing about it and actually publishing it! I really related to the subject. Where I'm from the college culture is different from the culture in the USA, yet it is also very similar. Boys are "congratulated" when "getting lucky" and as how you said it. If you're a virgin you're a prude, if not you're a slut. I'm sorry? but how did me having or not having sex become an indicator of who I am as a person? Anyways, I live that you're tackling the taboo and I, again, love that you actually had the balls to publish the post. You go girl and you do you!

xoxo

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Chloe
6/14/2016 01:16:49 am

Openly talking about sex is great and very constructive. More people need to be honest about it to spread awareness and take down the taboo. However, in this article you didn't actually talk much about sex, only that you want to talk about it. Maybe this article was a stepping stone, and if so, great! Can't wait to distroy more social constructs!! But this article was not really about sex.

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J
6/14/2016 08:14:51 am

It's not the whole thing she said this was just the introduction

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Jossie
6/14/2016 01:18:48 am

Hey Katy! I have been subscribed to you since you had 20,000 subscribers, I believe I was probably 15 or 16, and throughout all that time I have always looked up to you. Reading this now I am so glad to have chosen you as one of my role models, although our age difference is not a lot, your experiences and honest open dialogues have always been a source of wisdom to me. Thank you for being a no b.s blogger.

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Madison
6/14/2016 01:20:05 am

Hi Katy - I love that you're opening up and talking about sex, but will you be making videos about it or something? Although you've mentioned sex here, it's not really about sex at all. More the fact that nobody talks about sex.. and then you avoid mentioning anything about sex except one paragraph? Sorry, I'm confused?

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Rachel
6/14/2016 08:14:00 am

It's only an intro to what she's going to be discussing

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Millie
6/14/2016 01:29:27 am

This article is amazing! I love that you've made a blog and the way you write is so honest and open and true, I loved this article and you're really inspirational to me as a teen and I think you're amazing.

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Cassy
6/14/2016 01:35:07 am

Well written Katy, glad to know that you are opening up about the topic of sex it's already a taboo subject but for some reason it is considered more taboo for a girl to talk about sex so thank you and I applaud you

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n
6/14/2016 01:47:35 am

hey love you but this isn't actually about sex

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Katy
6/14/2016 07:05:55 am

This is only an intro post! Sorry if that wasn't clear haha.

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Kat link
6/14/2016 01:57:52 am

So honest and inspirational. You're my favourite YouTuber, and have been since I started watching your videos in 2010.

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Elle
6/14/2016 01:59:44 am

This is SO GOOD. It is so important to speak openly and honestly about sex for both informative and educational reasons but also just to fuckin talk about! There is absolutely no shame in speaking about sex, its important and necessary and also just not even a big deal! It's sex, it's how we were created and if we want to keep creating we gotta do it, and if we dont wanna, we should do it anyway cos its fun!

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Josephine
6/14/2016 02:08:39 am

This is so well written. Seriously. You go Katy!

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stick
6/14/2016 02:12:54 am

um, this whole article is you talking about how important it is to talk about sex, but has nothing to do with sex itself

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Katy
6/14/2016 07:06:44 am

Sorry if this wasn't clear but this serves as an introduction post to more posts about sex.

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Jamie
6/14/2016 02:46:51 am

Katy, I respect you so much. Your bravery inspires me! Thank you for everything you write because it's everything I need to hear.

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Sara
6/14/2016 03:02:27 am

I love your posts, but I think you kinda of failed in this one, you talked about talking about sex, not really sex itself.
I still liked it, it must not be an easy subject to discuss, admite your bravery. xx

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lafawnduh link
6/14/2016 06:34:15 am

I agree

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Katy
6/14/2016 07:07:43 am

Sorry if this wasn't clear, but this is an introductory post to many other posts about sex. I wanted to defrost the subject a bit before I really dive into it!

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Evie link
6/14/2016 03:31:58 am

Thankyou so much for braving something that most people wouldn't, as an 18 year old I have found that theres honestly such a lack of people being able to talk about topics such as sex and drugs and alcohol even though all of them do affect our lives! You're way of writing is so detailed and you should really consider writing a book.X

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Maren
6/14/2016 03:44:21 am

I honestly Love the way you write!
But in my opinion this post isn't about sex it is about talking about sex and you miss out the actual topic and loose yourself in explanation
Like Samantha says don't worry about any bitch and keep up the good work girl
Love from Germany !

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Julianna
6/14/2016 08:21:22 am

She has said many times that this is JUST an introductory post, meaning that she will go even further into detail, and actually talk about sec in other posts. Great Job Katy ❤️

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Jessica
6/14/2016 04:20:22 am

That's it???? I thought you would go more in depth; guess not. Oh well, good post anywhoo.

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EVE
6/14/2016 05:05:39 am

Katy, thank you. I think this is wonderful.

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Camille link
6/14/2016 05:24:24 am

Amen girl.

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Marina link
6/14/2016 05:45:27 am

Katy, I loved this! your writing is always so honest and inspiring. Keep up the awesome work! xx

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Kathryn
6/14/2016 06:39:57 am

I agree with Chole and Maddie, while its great that you want to start an open conversation about sex, it wasn't discussed much in the article itself. I would like to hear your thoughts about how you felt, did any previously standing opinions change, was it worth it? Did you feel respected by the boy it was with? Why or why not?

I also hope we can recognize another uncommonly spoken of topic related to sex: there is an entire camp of girls who are genuinely afraid of sex. Myself and my friends are included in this group. The idea of "penetration" is cringe-worthy to me, and the risks seem to outweigh the pros. I know I can't be the only one, so if you're out there, respond to this!

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Sophia
6/14/2016 06:56:24 am

I love this post so much and i love this blog.
xx

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Gill
6/14/2016 07:17:25 am

Loved this Katy ! I love how this was an intro because you gave me something to look forward to. No one wants to talk about sex, especially in college. It's always seen as a guys act and when girls do it , it becomes off topic. You hit the nail on the head, love it !

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ashley
6/14/2016 08:18:01 am

Katy, your writing is so great. I've been a follower of yours since the first "things guys wish girls new" video, which I just checked and wow- was over 4 years ago. Anyway, your writing and your videos and everything are always so inspiring. Just keep being you(:

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katy
6/14/2016 08:26:04 am

Oh gosh, katy I really liked this last post! I don't know how but you always surprises me with something either in your youtube videos or here, lately on. Every single word you said is just so true. It feels good that someone could be able to talk about IT. As you can see, for me, it's kind of taboo even said the word. I don't know why because I don't there's no problem by saying it but I reckon it's the way my parents educated me.
Once I read the headline, it just came to my mind a new song that has the same chorus as your headline.

Keep it up, my fav lady!

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Rachel
6/14/2016 08:33:14 am

YES. Thank you for speaking about this. Sex is natural, if it wasn't, then billions of people wouldn't have done it

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Bella
6/14/2016 08:42:50 am

I loved how this flowed so nicely! I'm so glad you spoke about this!

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Gwen
6/14/2016 10:15:29 am

I loved it!! Keep on being you. Excited for more to come xo

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Payton link
6/14/2016 11:25:42 am

Yes yes & YES!! I am so stoked for this series. You are one of my absolute favorite people and I love these controversial topics. Women need to empower other women about the nitty gritty truth. Thank you for using your voice! Xoxo

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Sydney
6/14/2016 12:02:34 pm

Katy, go you. And your blog is my new favorite thing! Love reading your writing.

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Katie Wilson
6/14/2016 12:14:08 pm

Heck yes, I've just spent the entire day binge watching your videos so this is curbing my withdrawal symptoms, - v.honest v.cool

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Sarah link
6/14/2016 02:44:12 pm

Katy, this was just so honest and raw it broke my heart a little in the best possible way. I think that this topic should be brought up more than it is and I applaud you for taking the risk of posting this. I don't think that this topic should be as big of a taboo as it is but alas, what can we do? I just want to let you know that you are brilliant and your writing is superb. I am only 18 and trying to figure life out (who really actually figures it out I know) but your writing and videos connect with me on a level that no other Youtuber can reach. Thank you for being a gracious and good example for girls like me.

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Arwen-Vira M.
6/14/2016 03:18:54 pm

I love you so much! You are such an inspiration and have guided me through so much.

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Cat
6/15/2016 09:17:18 am

I've been watching you for years on YouTube and you have honestly come so far and are so inspirational. I wish I was as brave and driven to put myself out there as you are. You really are an inspiration and I love your blog and everything you do.

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Margaret link
6/15/2016 05:29:16 pm

I still think you should make a video speaking about this! A blog post doesn't reach as wide of an audience as your subscriber base does on YouTube.

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Michaela link
6/16/2016 10:45:52 am

Katy, I am so glad that you have gained the courage to talk about the "un-talkable" subject. I think that this should be talked about more, not matter if you're doing it or not. Thank you!

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Nicold link
6/16/2016 12:21:29 pm

thank you for talking about such a taboo topic, especially around teenagers! needs to be talked about

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Meghan
6/19/2016 07:06:52 pm

YES. This is the shit that needs to be said. I live for your rants and talks about everything everyone else on the internet is afraid to talk about

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Kaeleen link
6/20/2016 11:40:44 pm

YES GIRL. I l absolutely love everything you have to say

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maca
6/29/2016 09:04:27 pm

Hi katy :) i really like this post, wish you keep talk about all of this , in your video i see that we gone thru all of this at the same age and i feel that we are so alike, i've been watching your vids since 2011 wow time runs so fast, love u please continue this series <3

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Mantaqaa
6/29/2016 09:41:52 pm

I'm glad you talked about this! I was raised with the whole waiting till marriage belief. After observation and soul searching I still continue to believe in it. However, I understand that not everyone has the same perceptions and don't want to wait. I think this is a great article for those who chose to wait and those who don't equally. It is relavant to talk about as it's often joked about but not seriously discussed. People will get worked up about this issue just because they want others to affirm their own beliefs and they take comfort when more people share them. Although I am like this as well, as I grow older I start to appreciate the different mindsets and beliefs and learn from them. That aside I've loved all of your videos and would watch them for inspiration on the nights when life had gotten the most of me and I saw no goodness anywhere. Thank you for being a source of light in our often dark world!

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Montana link
8/9/2018 01:09:15 pm

Hi Katy! I just found your blog yesterday (surprising because I love your youtube videos), and I just wanted to say thank you! I was at work when I stumbled across it and it inspired me to create my own blog! I have always wanted to get more involved in sharing my life with people, whether it be youtube or a blog but have always been nervous of judgement. Your blog is amazing and really inspired me to give it a try! Regardless of how it turns out! Thanks for the inspiration and have a lovely day!

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